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PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 11:31 am 
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Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

And oolite was never the same again. "The best bang since the big one."
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Drew writes emotion and consequence. Higher mind, is his playground.

You sir are a visceral writer! A totally different beast.

Excellent work.
Umm.. Thank you...? };] Although I like to think I put some emotions into my characters as well.
You should read the quartet if you have time you'll see what I mean. It's all how do the characters feel about things (there is a lot of internal dialogue ). Each character has 'tells' that act as short hand for their emotional state. They check, cross check, recheck endlessly. This is not a bad thing, and it sums up quite succinctly part of the human condition. Your characters on the other hand are just GO Go GO! Morgan falls into things, to a certain extent he's manipulated by the women around him. The female characters in this are strong know exactly what they want (meathooking a man mountain then when she's come too after being thrown against a cargo crate she stops the captain from bleeding to death, pretty hard core). Too often in literature sex is turned into some minor act of submission. Hell no! In this it's reward, fun, emotional reinforcement and a tried and trusted way of getting what you want.

It's like being paid for eating candy.

It's good because it explores another different facet of the human condition. It can't all be about dead family members and revenge you know. Nothing wrong with a bit of revenge but it is but one of the few archetypal stories. Oolite can be sexy and why not?

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 10:23 pm 
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Nice one!

A piece of general feedback though - one thing I've noticed is the tendency to capitalise the 'dialogue adjective' (for want of a better term) as though it was a new sentence, when it actually is a continuation of the same sentence. I suspect it may be the spelling checker flagging it as a spelling mistake in error.
Gotcha. I think I have something turned on in Open Office that auto-capitalizes things...


And thank you for the tips! Next chapter is halfway done already, but the one after that I will try to watch. };]

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 10:38 pm 
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Quote:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

And oolite was never the same again. "The best bang since the big one."
Quote:
Quote:
Drew writes emotion and consequence. Higher mind, is his playground.

You sir are a visceral writer! A totally different beast.

Excellent work.
Umm.. Thank you...? };] Although I like to think I put some emotions into my characters as well.
You should read the quartet if you have time you'll see what I mean. It's all how do the characters feel about things (there is a lot of internal dialogue ). Each character has 'tells' that act as short hand for their emotional state. They check, cross check, recheck endlessly. This is not a bad thing, and it sums up quite succinctly part of the human condition. Your characters on the other hand are just GO Go GO! Morgan falls into things, to a certain extent he's manipulated by the women around him. The female characters in this are strong know exactly what they want (meathooking a man mountain then when she's come too after being thrown against a cargo crate she stops the captain from bleeding to death, pretty hard core). Too often in literature sex is turned into some minor act of submission. Hell no! In this it's reward, fun, emotional reinforcement and a tried and trusted way of getting what you want.

It's like being paid for eating candy.

It's good because it explores another different facet of the human condition. It can't all be about dead family members and revenge you know. Nothing wrong with a bit of revenge but it is but one of the few archetypal stories. Oolite can be sexy and why not?
The main purpose of that particular scene, was to allow Spitfire, to show Morgan, that she was able to overcome the psychological wounds that Jake may have caused her. As I said before, Jake was going to be even meaner, but... She had fun being tied onto the lev-bike. She was really digging the role playing aspect. Her being a Princess and Morgan was the space pirate. Then, here comes Jake, but I didn't want him to ruin that sense of play for her. So, I had to show that she seems to have gotten through the experience ok. Am I making sense, or just rambling? };]

Maybe someday, when this story ends (If this story ends?), I will be able to read again. };]

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 9:47 am 
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Quote:
Quote:
Drew writes emotion and consequence. Higher mind, is his playground.

You sir are a visceral writer! A totally different beast.

Excellent work.
Umm.. Thank you...? };] Although I like to think I put some emotions into my characters as well.
Ya can't have visceral without emotions.. :wink:

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Most games have some sort of paddling-pool-and-water-wings beginning to ease you in: Oolite takes the rather more Darwinian approach of heaving you straight into the ocean, often with a brick or two in your pockets for luck. ~ Disembodied


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 11:19 am 
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Where did I say paradox's work was devoid of emotion?

Don't make me get the crayons out, I'll draw you a Venn diagram if you push me. I will. Don't think I won't. :D

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 12:34 pm 
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Where did I say paradox's work was devoid of emotion?
Well, my comment was directed at Paradox.. basically pointing out that if he's got visceral, he's automatically got emotion.. :wink:

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Most games have some sort of paddling-pool-and-water-wings beginning to ease you in: Oolite takes the rather more Darwinian approach of heaving you straight into the ocean, often with a brick or two in your pockets for luck. ~ Disembodied


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 3:44 pm 
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Where did I say paradox's work was devoid of emotion?
Well, my comment was directed at Paradox.. basically pointing out that if he's got visceral, he's automatically got emotion.. :wink:
I thought my threat of venn diagrams would have you running for cover.

<turn to page 42 of your text book and locate fig 3>

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2014 1:05 pm 
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Chapter 49 - The Confessions Of An Angel.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2014 11:24 pm 
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LOFL According to I Write Like, and trying three different chapters, it insists that I write like James Joyce!

http://iwl.me/s/d760c1b4

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 02, 2014 8:42 am 
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I fed it the first thousand words of "Sidewinder Precision Pro" and it said I write like Douglas Adams.

I'm not seeing a problem here. 8)

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 02, 2014 10:21 am 
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I plugged in one of my "Tales from the Spacelanes" write-ups and it said I write like Arthur C Clarke! (Well, like he used to of course as he's long departed...) :-)

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 02, 2014 11:59 am 
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I plugged in one of my "Tales from the Spacelanes" write-ups and it said I write like Arthur C Clarke!
I just did the same with one of mine, and got the same result as you.. :lol:

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Most games have some sort of paddling-pool-and-water-wings beginning to ease you in: Oolite takes the rather more Darwinian approach of heaving you straight into the ocean, often with a brick or two in your pockets for luck. ~ Disembodied


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 02, 2014 12:13 pm 
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Chapter 50 – Angel Goes Shopping.

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The Adventures of Captain Morgan


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 02, 2014 1:37 pm 
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Quote:
Quote:
I plugged in one of my "Tales from the Spacelanes" write-ups and it said I write like Arthur C Clarke!
I just did the same with one of mine, and got the same result as you.. :lol:
David Foster Wallace (who?) for something else I wrote in what was meant to be a Damon Runyon parody, but Arthur C Clarke for one of my Hammond stories. I am large, I contain multitudes.

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"Sidewinder Precision Pro" and other fiction is now available for Amazon Kindle at a bargain price.

Sidewinder Precision Pro ||Claymore Mine ||The Russian Creed

All titles also available in paperback.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 12:21 pm 
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Location: Aboard the D.T.T Snake Charmer: My Xanadu
Chapter 51 - Qaena'a'en And Her Harem.

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D.T.T Ship Builders "Thinking Outside the Triangle"
The Adventures of Captain Morgan


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